I am out of the loop. Figuratively and literally. I haven’t even read my blog roll or checked my yahoo loops since…ohhhh… August? Mostly that’s because I’m doing another show and that’s what’s keeping my creative spirit entertained. But it’s also family and chores and work, and a myriad of other things that a person just can’t say no to. And as I attend to these things, I know I’m doing the right thing in so many ways, but in another, it’s always in the back of my head that THIS – the writing – is what’s important to ME. It might not be important to my kids, or my husband, or my boss, or any of my friends, but it’s important to ME. And I’m not doing it.
The theater helps with the need for creativity. It’s like a bandage. A couple months of intense work, and BAM! The show goes up, a few quick performances and you get the rush of pride, the applause. The gratification is much more immediate than writing a book. But it does take me away from the writing. And that makes it almost an enemy to the writing or something. Doesn’t it? Am I sabotaging myself by pursuing so many interests? But what if I quit being on stage, and never publish a book? Will I have been true to myself then? I’m making myself crazy.
A good friend of mine was telling me about a study that she’d heard about. Something about working women being stretched to the brink of their capabilities, and being more dissatisfied with their lives than ever. It got us thinking about how we went to college to become more fulfilled human beings. We were raised to think a college education was going to be our ticket to a better life. But better than what? How were we defining better? More money and less time for the things in life that truly make us happy? Is better supposed to be having a house that reminds us of an HGTV show? Or cooking meals like those seen on the cooking channel? Can I be a college educated woman and get away with serving my family SOS for dinner?!?! What about raising the kids? If I don’t get home from work until 5:35, and soccer started at 5:00, doesn’t that mean my kids aren’t getting the advantages of me being a working mom and having the money to actually PAY for their soccer? Why do we do these things to ourselves?
If you find the answers – let me know. I can never strike the right balance! Hope your show is going/went well. 🙂
I bet thousands of people relate to this post. I am one of them. Writing is something I think about every day. I started a blog so I'd write more, but it's not the kind of writing I want to do. I write romance. I dream about completely the novel I started 10 years ago, which is 2 chapters away from being done. I won't and can't get back into it just yet. I need money so must work,