August was SUCH a busy month. I did not get much writing done in August. *sad face* But I did get a lot done internally. Have you ever noticed how things usually work like that? I noticed back in early August that this current round of rewrites was not going as smoothly as I’d imagined, and yet I just kept trying to force it–you know–plow through! But the more I plowed, the more stuck I got. Things were just not flowing at all. And then I realized the summer was passing me by, and oh dear, my eldest son was starting junior high coming right up! Eek! His last summer as a “little” boy was ending, and what was I doing with the sunny afternoons we had left but spending them indoors in front of a computer screen feeling frustrated and disappointed. Not cool. So I backed off a little, enjoyed the sunshine, had some good conversations with the kids, cooked up a new story plot, and now, after running the new idea by my fabu agent, I get to work on BOTH projects 🙂 That is SWEET.
I really love this new story idea, and I’m eager to share it, but for now I’m keeping it kinda close, if you know what I mean. I really want to protect it to make sure it can grow into what I think it can be.
Another not shocking realization. I need to locate a few more writing partners. I’ve been thinking a lot about all the lovely editorial feedback I’ve received recently, and I’ve seen how all over the place it can really be with respect to what someone thinks is a problem with a story and what someone thinks you do best. Some criticism hits you in a really sore spot, and sometimes you don’t want to hear it at all. The truth is, if it’s just one person saying a something, maybe it’s fine as is. But if a bunch of other people say exactly the same thing…well, maybe you do need to have a look at it. You don’t have to fix it their way, but if no one is seeing it your way, you might need to budge or wiggle something a little. But its hard to get to those issues with a manuscript if you don’t have many people to share it with. Finding crit partners is really hard work. For someone to be helpful, they have to like your work. And in order to learn something from someone, they have to be at or above your skill level. And then of course, you have to be able to give them something in return. I worry about time. I work full time and I have a busy family. What moments I can find are usually spent writing. But I need to do this. I must create a writing community in my life. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do that, but I have some ideas. I think it all starts with being authentic and telling people what I’m looking for.
And last, but certainly not least, I’ve decided to take the plunge and apply to grad school. I’ve been wanting to pursue an MFA for years, and I finally asked myself: what is holding you back, C? And one simple answer came to me: fear. Well, I’m just not cool with that! Fear is such a powerful motivator, isn’t it? It can drive you to do things you don’t really want to do, but it can also be like a bully that keeps you down, keeps you from asking for what you really want and need. For me, it’s a fear of rejection. I willingly admit that I’m scared the people in the program will be better writers than I am, and that they’ll look down their noses at my work. I’m afraid I will be SO awful in fact that I won’t even graduate. And when I think about it that way, I think, wow, that is dumb. Of course, there will be better writers than me. That’s why I want to go, right? I want to meet those better writers and talk to them and find out how they do what they do. You don’t improve by hanging around with people who aren’t more highly skilled than you! So I realized I have to do this. I have to at least apply. If they reject my application…well…okay. I’ll remain MFA-less. I am in no worse shape than I am today!
