My horoscope (Sagittarius, for the record) says this is going to be a SWELL month, and I’m all “THANK GOODNESS” because 2010 was a ripper of a year for me. The stars predicted turmoil and boy, I guess I held out my little dish and begged for an extra helping – “please sir, I want some more…” Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad, but sometimes, looking back, that’s all that stands out. You know, the things I needed to do but didn’t, the things that I could see coming a mile away and didn’t know enough to run from, the times I took a path not taken and ended up in the brambles with burdocks in my butt and no clue how to get back safely… And the worst part is, most of the time when I set out each day, I thought I was on the right track, doing what I needed to do. Go figure. All I know is I’m due for a swell month.
I’ve been thinking very carefully about goals for the new year. Last year, I set some major goals for myself. Interestingly enough, I seem to have met many of them. But I’m asking myself “was it worth it?” I mean, yes. It’s great that I met goals, but those goals took me far from my heart. At the start of 2010, after shopping one of my most beloved manuscripts to nearly two dozen YA agents and coming up unsigned, I was weary of rejection. I know the book isn’t dead on the table, it hasn’t been on the desk of a single editor yet, but I really thought it was The One. I had written what I loved, and no one else loved it, you know? So I really wanted to take a break, cleanse that book from my palette, do some other stuff, and maybe finish another book. It was like a bad break-up, and I triumphed. I channeled my energy into community theater, finished another book that has showed promise. But over all, I just can’t look back on 2010 fondly. I spent too much time thinking bad thoughts, and we all know where negative thinking gets us… I’m glad to put 2010 behind me. It’s OVER!! I can’t wait for a SWELL month!! Bring it on JANUARY!!
My goals for 2011 are sort of anti-goals. I’m kind of planning to just go with the flow for a change. This is going to be hard for me, but I have a feeling it will get me exactly what I need. I’ve always been a tremendous fighter. The old sayings “nothing comes for free,” “nothing works if you don’t,” and “you get out what you put in” are practically ingrained in the fiber of my being. I’m really in no danger of ever having truly idle hands. I’m always in motion. Even when I’m relaxing, I have to be reading or creating. But what if I’m keeping too busy to see the fruits of my labor? What if what I really need to do is slow down -observe and receive more in between bouts of action? So this is where I see my 2011 going. No laundry list of goals. It’s time for me to stop fighting so much and learn to enjoy life more.
