So I’ve pinched myself nonstop for about two weeks straight, and so far I’m STILL awake, and my good fortune hasn’t evaporated or anything like that. So I think it’s time to just tell my great news, regardless of whether I can believe it or not – I SIGNED WITH THE KNIGHT AGENCY!! And this is excellent news not just because TKA is an amazing literary agency, but because it was my honestly my dream agency. It doesn’t get better than that, does it?
You know, it’s so funny how people react to good news very differently. All this two weeks, I’ve been putting off announcing it. I’ve had this little ball of… something… in my stomach. Something I couldn’t quite name. And when I can’t name something, I have a need to figure it out. So I’ve been thinking. And writing, because writers do that. And it’s fear, I realize now Total sold-out fear. And I guess I’ve been putting off the announcement because if I don’t acknowledge it too loudly, it’s not there, and I don’t have to be so afraid of it. Like monsters in the closet or something. Only I just realized how ridiculous it is to be afraid of announcing that my book is now being represented by my dream agent. And now, after two weeks of thinking about it every day, and talking to good friends who know me really well, and I realized that I’m not afraid of announcing it… I’m afraid of what’s next. Afraid of change. Yes. Change.
For many years now, I’ve written because I wanted to. Because I loved it. Because I couldn’t stop. And now, I will write because I’ve agreed that it’s a job. I have something I want to sell, and I found someone who believes in it and wants to help me sell it. And that’s so scary to me. Because I want to keep wanting to write. I want to keep loving it. And I don’t ever ever want to want to stop. And when something is work, sometimes that happens to people. And also, there are always what ifs. What if this book doesn’t sell. What if I can’t write another one just as good when it’s done. So that’s my fear. That’s a LOT of fear all tied up in one amazing day of my life.
But I’m not going to be afraid anymore. I’m going to practice being grateful. Because I’ve written a good book. And I have a great agent behind me. And this is the beginning of a very beautiful new relationship with my writing.
Your blog wasn't updating in Google Reader, and then suddenly today there are 17 posts! I've missed so much, but I want to congratulate you on this. I'm super excited, and I cannot wait to read the book!
Thanks Laura! I’m very excited about the book – and I do believe it will be a “real” book soon! I have some work to do on it before it can be shopped to publishers. Waiting for my line-edits. I lost most of my few readers when I moved my URL, but it’s ok. People will find me again someday 🙂
I'm very excited for you! I had no idea, Cessie! I quit subscribing to google reader and wasn't aware that you had returned to blogging.<br /><br />Go you!
Thanks Heather 🙂 Sometimes it takes a loooong break from something you love to be able to come back and remember why you love it!