Now that 2011 is almost entirely behind us, everyone is thinking ahead to 2012. The great unknown is exciting! YES, a fresh start! But it’s a little scary at the same time. I used to make the same new year’s resolutions every year. You know: eating better, exercising daily, losing weight, writing more, reading a certain number of books, blogging more consistently, or whatever else I can think of to beat myself up over. The last few years I have tried to focus my resolutions more on my inner self. On anything that could help me discover my purpose and my gifts (silly me! I was already aware of my purpose and gifts, I was just running as fast as I could in the opposite direction!). As I mentioned in my last post, 2011 was a powerful year for me. It was a year I spent literally flailing around in emotional and mental discomfort. And not surprisingly, for the past couple of months, I have felt this discomfort creeping into my physical body, which is definitely not okay with me. It is a sign that it is time to STOP flailing and fighting and go with the flow (which my friend Rose will be very happy to hear).
The problem is that going with the flow is ridiculously hard for some of us. We were taught that anything worth having, you must fight for! We’re taught to shoot for the stars! We’re taught to be the best at everything we do! To expect special treatment! The customer is ALWAYS right! Go for the gold! Play to win! And the list goes on. Overachieving and perfectionism can be a way of life that can lead to never feeling satisfied with anything. It can make you a bottomless pit, or a half empty glass. When life is easy, we assume that sitting around enjoying ourselves is lazy. We need to get busy setting our sites on our next goal or achievement. Our next moment of greatness. And that’s a dangerous mindset (not because achieving and doing better aren’t important parts of life) but because MUCH of the gorgeousness of life is in the Tiny Common Moments we’re missing while we’re looking for the utterly spectacular!
This is my battle. I was an overachiever growing up. My family was poor and life was difficult. My mom worked hard–very hard too keep a roof over our heads. It leaked. We ran out of fuel at times. Food was sometimes scarce. My mom didn’t want me to struggle with the same problems. She taught me that to achieve great things, you had to work hard. And she was right. You DO have to work hard. But we also are allowed to feel joy in between. Contentment and happiness aren’t synonymous with laziness. Raising kids up to be strong, capable, confident, AND happy adults is an honorable life’s work. And there is sometimes beauty in what may seem like mediocrity. Because through mistakes we can learn things about ourselves that later help us to succeed. And when we seem to be losing the game, it may not be because haven’t worked hard enough, it may just be someone else’s time to shine.
It’s time to relax my expectations a little bit. My ego would like to say that 2012 will be the year of my Big Book Sale! But I really have no control over that, do I? All I can really do is work on making my writing the best it can be, and listening to the guidance of the wonderful publishing advocate I have in Deidre. So that’s what I intend to do.
And speaking of intentions, I came across this lovely vlog post by Gabrielle Bernstein, author of Add More -Ing to Your Life. Please watch!
The first important thing she mentions is the idea that new years intentions are the most powerful if they are for the greater good. And this is where I think my previous resolutions went wrong. How does adhering to a rigid diet and work out schedule help me be in service to Spirit? Losing weight may make my body look better, but that really has little to do with the flow of the universe. And who really cares about my To Be Read pile? I don’t even really care about it to be honest with you 😉 It doesn’t stress me out if I don’t set an intention to conquer it. I simply read when I feel like it, and my mammoth TBR pile only means I have plenty of material to pick from! (My friend calls me the Queen of Reframe.)
The second thing that made me go A-HA! was the releasing of the intention. (You don’t have to burn it and set off all the fire alarms or sprinklers in your digs, or flush stuff down the toilet that might not be good for the septic or sewer pipes.) The important part is where you acknowledge that if this thing you want is really in service to spirit, it WILL come back to you, and you PHYSICALLY LET IT GO. It may not come back in the form you expect. It may not be in the time that you expect, but it will be done. That is why it is important to release those expectations. Release control of them. If you try to control the outcome, you might not recognize when spirit is returning your intention to you! Believing in something you can’t see is called trust and faith. It is a central part of all religion and spiritual practice.
