It feels like BIG THINGS are on the way. I can’t explain, as nothing is actually occurring at the moment, but I did just finish another round of rewrites–smaller this time–and I *think* it’s ready. Should be going on submission very soon, which brings me closer to The Fear. I have been doing a lot less thinking about The Fear, as I’ve realized that thinking about it gives it power. I’ve been consulting with my inner guidance instead. This is not thinking, it’s listening. To myself.
I do not need to think about whether to use a pen name or my own name or a nickname. I know the pros and cons of each. A pen name gives you a chance at maintaining a line between who you are as a person and who you are as a writer. I imagine that for some this isn’t an issue but for some it is. For me, it is a huge issue. I value my privacy and fear losing it. But I need to own my writing. I have been writing for many many years, and I want to be able to point my books out to my friends, my mom, my dad, siblings, aunts, uncles. And I want my kids to see the fruits of my labor–a labor that has taken me away from them at times when they would have liked my attention and I was defending my writing time. They have a love/hate relationship with my writing, but they are also voracious readers. They LOVE books, and recently my youngest said, “Mama, I think it will be neat to see your name on a book cover.” And that was when I knew I couldn’t use a totally made up name. I think this is a powerful lesson for them, and while, yes, I could show them my book and explain about pen names, I don’t want to. I’m going to face my fear. I’m going to walk through it.
There are other things I don’t want to think about anymore. And I reckon I will get to those soon. But this feels good.
